Don't use the R-word

The R-word. Seriously, you have to have a better term, unless you're really just that incapable of coming up with anything witty. Because The R-word is not witty. It's not funny and it's not something you should use.

It's insulting to anyone who has developmental delays. It should be insulting to everyone. It is an outdated term and the R-word is no longer used in medical texts.

I "hear" it more often than I used to. I don't think it is used more often than it used to be, but I'm more aware of, or at least more sensitive to the true meaning.

I notice it when people use it perhaps because it stings.

It is hopefully unintended, but using that word as a joke is a derogatory way to talk about my daughter. You see, my daughter is blessed with an extra chromosome.

However, the R-word has changed meaning over time. Our language is a living thing and that medical term has become a joke and an insult.

It is no longer a medical term. The medical community recognized what the word had become and removed it from their descriptions of developmental delays.

The negative assumptions of her capabilities are what make it "funny." The things she works so hard to accomplish are summed up as a joke. Even today I am advocating to allow her to be involved in activities with typical peers because the world assumes she is not capable of being part of that world. That's the joke you are inferring when you use that word. The ha-ha, the funny. This is the history of segregating persons with developmental delay from the rest of society.

Don't pull my daughter out of the world because you cannot accept differences.

Most of all, don't use the R-word. Come up with something better.

The short bus

My little girl started developmental preschool. She takes the little bus. The bus stops at the top of our driveway and she happily climbs on to go to school.

I have my misgivings about school. I like her teachers, I like the care and respect everyone has for us, but I wish she had peer models.

I dropped her off at school once this year and left very upset.

First, I watched as all the big buses came. The kids came pouring out the doors of the buses onto the playground. We were trying to get Anna to her class and were turned away at the door because they weren't ready for her. I asked if she should go to the play ground and I was told, "no!"

We were told to wait by the bus drop off, so we walked back to the front of the school and watched the kids run past us to the play ground. After all the big buses emptied and left, the short buses pulled up. It was like a dance, one group left and the next group came on stage. However, none of the kids got off. They sat on the bus and waited for the helpers. Then the kids were escorted off to their separate classes.

It took everything I had not to start crying for my little girl right there.

My little girl, who I had been asking to be around typical kids missed another opportunity. I didn't see one child get off the short bus and head to the play ground with the other kids. Not even the older kids who were the same age as the elementary school kids on the play ground.

I think about my big kids who asked me where the kids with Down Syndrome are in their school. How can they not think something is wrong with Anna if she's not allowed in the classes with other kids.

I think about Anna and how much she learns being around typical kids. She learned to climb at the day care. She started potty training because the other kids were doing it at the day care.

To be included and loved, that's what we want for our kids, not separated from the rest of the world like there is something wrong with them.

This is Anna. She is perfect just the way she is.

Welcome Baby A

I haven't been posting much lately, but in all reality, I haven't been ready to talk about everything that has happened over the last 6 weeks on such a public forum.

Baby A arrived in a beautiful and super fast home birth. We welcomed her into our home and everything looked great. She nursed within minutes of being born and then again before the midwives left.

Baby A then proceeded to give us a scare. She was admitted to Children's hospital about 3 days after she was born. After talking to her pediatrician, this was something so unexpected that no matter where she was born, she would have been home when everything got worse for her. We are happy to have had some time with her at home and look forward to having her home, again, when she is ready.

I've posted some information on a caring bridge site. I think I needed to be a little more private while I processed what she was going through.

The site is here:Baby A's caring bridge site.

Some quiet time

I am not posting as much as I used to. I'm not sure what changed, I definitely have things to say. I am feeling as if I am talking to myself these days. Perhaps it is working by myself that is doing it. I am spending so much time alone that I don't need to write notes to myself, too. I need to find an outlet that involves real people.

Daisy

I had planed a long detailed blog post of our vacation, but we sadly came home to find one of our cats was no longer here. We're not sure how or when she got outside, but she has now been missing for three weeks.

The house sitter never remembers seeing more than two cats in our home. I remember checking that all three cats were safely sleeping on the bed before we left. At some point between my check and the Tuesday after we left, she was let out of the house.

I'll miss my buddy. She would sit on my lap while I worked. She also would chatter at the birds from a window. Miss Daisy had the loudest purr I have ever heard from a cat, it was more like an old engine rattling at a stop light then a light purr from a cat. We miss you Daisy.




Attacking my hands from below


As a kitten, she would even play with the dogs



Getting into trouble with her sister

Molly

We will miss you, Molly.


2008 with Little N


Hanging out in a sun spot in my office


Her favorite spot to sleep